CW: Mentions of a Suicide Attempt —Ash Wednesday 2026: God's Positioning System

   “Recalculating... when possible, make a legal U-turn.” Those words or ones like it generated from our car’s GPS system help us to navigate the physical world in which we live. It reminds us when we’re lost that we can turn around when it’s safe and no longer be lost. But what about our “spiritual GPS”? What enables us to make a u-turn if we’re on a spiritual path that no longer serves us or that we’ve gotten off of completely? Then what? Ash Wednesday is a reminder that as the late Dr. Wayne Dyer said "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Often it is when we are in the darkest of times that we realize that it’s possible for us to recalculate and make a U-turn and return to GOD. In order to do that we pray. 

When I talk about praying and turning to God, there are as many different ways of doing that as there are souls on the planet. For example, most Sundays I watch a podcast called State of Mind with Maurice Bernard who lives with bipolar disease and has guests on to talk about amongst other things mental health. He describes a moment when he was in a mental institution and he had broken a lever off and was ready to accelerate the end of his life. In that moment of confronting his own mortality he prayed to God for help. He put the two pieces of the lever that he was going to use to unalive himself and formed it into a cross. He believes that in that moment God answered his prayer for understanding. He has since gone on to share his experiences through his podcast and his book. He was in the wilderness, he recalculated and found a way out. 

Images of the Divine

Father Jim McDonald posed this question in his August 3, 2025 sermon and encouraged us to reflect on it and get back to him with our thoughts. “What image or images come to mind that represent the Divine, or God, for you?”

 When I first did this I came up with the image of the ocean, vast, ever changing and to me peaceful. Then as I was driving home listening to my YouTube Sunday’s service playlist the song Everything's Alright from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar came on and I got the image of Da Vinci’s The Last Supper. I find God in the image of cats just being felines. I find God in the image of me and besties Sarah and Mariko taken at my 53rd birthday and remembering how much fun we had that day. 

 I see divine images from other cultures too. Yes I am an Episcopalian Straight From the Cradle and until the grave and Beyond. However, I still honor other cultures’ images of the Divine: Buddha, Shakti, Shiva,  Lakshmi, Gaia, and Native American Shamans to name a few. 

One image that came to me at 11:30 the night after the sermon was of agent Smith from the movie The Matrix and specifically from Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions, the second and third movies in the franchise. If you haven't seen the movie, basically the character has the ability to reach into another person who is in The Matrix and replicate himself and what you see is then this person becomes another Smith to the point that at the end of the third movie there's like thousands of them.  

In the end, the image of the divine is as Julia Roberts’ character says in the movie and the book Eat Pray Love FatherJim McDonald posed this question in his August 3, 2025 sermon and encouraged us to reflect on it and get back to him with our thoughts. “What image or images come to mind that represent the Divine, or God, for you?”

 When I first did this I came up with the image of the ocean, vast, ever changing and to me peaceful. Then as I was driving home listening to my YouTube Sunday’s service playlist the song Everything's Alright from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar came on and I got the image of Da Vinci’s The Last Supper. I find God in the image of cats just being felines. I find God in the image of me and besties Sarah and Mariko taken at my 53rd birthday and remembering how much fun we had that day. 

 I see divine images from other cultures too. Yes I am an Episcopalian Straight From the Cradle and until the grave and Beyond. However, I still honor other cultures’ images of the Divine: Buddha, Shakti, Shiva,  Lakshmi, Gaia, and Native American Shamans to name a few. 

One image that came to me at 11:30 the night after the sermon was of agent Smith from the movie The Matrix and specifically from Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions, the second and third movies in the franchise. If you haven't seen the movie, basically the character has the ability to reach into another person who is in The Matrix and replicate himself and what you see is then this person becomes another Smith to the point that at the end of the third movie there's like thousands of them.  

In essence, my image of the divine is everything everywhere all at once. Or put it another way as the author of Eat Pray Love wrote: God dwells within me as me. 

Thank you to the Episcopal Church in which I was raised

 To the church in which I was raised. Recently I saw a poem going around that was entitled to the church I was raised. It was basically a poem about the disconnection and downright hypocrisy of many of the Christian churches who preach lovingkindness but only demonstrate it to those who are like-minded. The churches who demonstrate a lack of love and kindness to those who are  different races or are part of the lgbtq+ community. It got me to thinking about the church in which I was raised the Episcopal Church which which is a very open-minded Church. here is my poem to the church in which I was raised.

To the Episcopal church in which I was raised, I have this to say, thank you.

Thank you for practicing the loving kindness that you preach.

Thank you for flying that rainbow flag right next to the flag of the USA and the Episcopal Church flag.

Thank you for welcoming everyone equally.

Thank you for performing gay marriages even before they were legal because it was the ethical thing to do.

Thank you for ordaining priests and deacons who are cisgender women and Men, transgender women and Men, of all Races and from all walks of life.

Thank you for welcoming those from other religious backgrounds with loving kindness and understanding.

Thank you for accepting those who have other spiritual practices in addition to the church.

Thank you that you exemplify Jesus's service to others daily.

Finally thank you for continuing to practice the unconditional love and kindness of of God the Father God the son and God the Holy Spirit.

Ash Wednesday 2024

 It's Ash Wednesday and after receiving the Ashes upon my forehead I looked down at the bracelet that contains a small portion of my Mom's ashes and the locket that contains her picture and the picture of her mother. After church I drive back to my town and pass other churches who's parking lots are also full for Ash Wednesday. When I get back to town I go for my usual walk around the cemetery. The ashes on my forehead remind me that God made us from dust to dust we shall return. We often avoid it but the truth is from the time that we are born we will die. That fact was emphasized today during my walk around the cemetery. There was a funeral taking place by a grave site. Seeing this, I think about people that I have lost and people who I know will croak at some point. I think about people I love who knew their time was growing near and have opted for Hospice care. I think about my mom's brother who is also my godfather. He is living with end stage Parkinson's disease and is now on hospice.  I remember my mom a few days before she passed from end stage triple negative breast cancer with metastasis. She literally called hospice and told the hospice nurse that she heard her own death rattle and she knew her time was near. Ironically the Lord picked the same day that he had brought her fourth into the physical world to bring her back into the non-physical world. To put it simply she died on her birthday.

As father McDonald said in his sermon today we don't like to think about our own mortality. Death can be a touchy subject for people. I have a friend who's in his 90s and anytime he talks about his impending demise his daughter-in-law gets very upset with him. She tells him he's not allowed to die because she wants them to go together. However, as he points out to her, she's in her 50s and they’re not likely to go at the same time. I remember when my dad's brother was originally diagnosed with liver cancer not long after I moved here. The medical team asked him, did he want to be resuscitated or did he have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate order). He said he wanted to be resuscitated. He held out hope that the surgical chemo would work. On the other hand I treat death with a great deal of disrespect . There are times when I tell him I'll see him tomorrow and he'll say “Well I'll probably be here but I might have just gone down the road.” This is one of the expressions he uses for dying. I tell him “Well, if I don't see you then I'll check with the funeral director in town.”  I tell my nieces when I die, torch me and scatter me in the San Francisco Bay. They find my reference to being cremated disturbing but they’re used to our family’s dark and twisted sense of humor. I find treating death with disrespect takes away some of the fear of it. The late Dr Wayne Dyer said that we are not physical beings living a temporary spiritual existence We Are Spiritual Beings living a temporary physical existence. Or as father McDonald said when he put the ashes on my forehead remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return. 

Everyday miracles

 When we talk of miracles we think of the BIG ones like the 3 Epiphanies of Jesus. The Infant King’s (Jesus the infant) manifestation to the Magi; the manifestation of Christ as the Father’s beloved Son at His baptism; and the manifestation of His glory in the working of His first sign at the wedding feast of Cana (turning water into wine). As Dr. Wayne W. Dyer said “Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.” Abraham-Hicks has the affirmation “Things are always working out for me.”

 A few people in my life reminded me to get back to my metaphysical roots and start listening to Abraham-Hicks and Florence Scovel Shinn affirmations and teachings.  I lost my key fob a while back while I was walking through the cemetery as part of my desire to ground myself physically and spiritually. I lost it on the second day I started walking . There were a few obstacles to my finding the key at the time. One was time consideration because I had to get to work so I had to call my aunt to pick me up and take me to my house so I can get my other key fob. She drove around the cemetery a few minutes but I literally could not tell her where I thought I had lost my key because the perimeter of the cemetery is about 2 miles, and I don't stick to the paved areas I meander through the Headstones apologizing to the residents of the cemetery because being a mystical empath I tend to pick up on energy from the other side of the veil. So we saw some grounds keepers working and my aunt pulled over brought one of the groundskeepers over to her car where I was sitting with Grandma and I gave the groundskeeper my phone number and told him I thought I might have lost it between this family's headstone and that family but I didn't know for sure because I zigzagged all over. Now I continued to walk for the next few weeks each time I went asking God and St Anthony the patron saint of that which needs to be found and my ancestors buried at the cemetery to please help me to find the key fob . About a week after I lost the key fob I noticed the American flag that usually flies in the cemetery by the Vietnam memorial was on the ground. It was raining and the wind was beginning to pick up but I unhooked the flag from the d-clips, folded it up properly, placed it out of the weather and called the number of the groundskeeper and told him what had happened and what I did. 

2 weeks later I hadn't been back to the cemetery that week because temperatures had literally been in the single digits; there was snow and ice on the ground and I couldn't get out of my house for a few days. Going back to the affirmations of Florence Scovel Shinn and Abraham Hicks I shifted my focus and I simply said I give thanks that my lost item will be returned to me. I didn't specify which lost item I figured God/The Universe/Source knew what I was talking about. 

13 days after I lost my key fob, I saw the groundskeeper at the local burger joint and inquired about my key fob. He replied no they still hadn’t found it. My guides also told me to ask about the flag. He explained they hadn’t put the flag back up yet because the ground was too soft to get the truck in to get high enough to reach the top of the flagpole. So I thanked him and again I gave thanks to God/Universe that the lost item is returned to me or that means for me to pay for a new one will be provided to me. 

That same evening I went home and was just doing random picking up. I went to look in a box for something and there was my bracelet with a small amount of mom's ashes which I had thought I lost and a necklace I had forgotten about both of which I had misplaced last Spring. The way I know it was last spring was due to the charm that was on the necklace (a shamrock aka 4 leaf clover). So I was like oh well I gave thanks the lost item was returned and here's my necklace and my bracelet . So I was pretty happy about that . The next morning as I was taking care of grandma I got a call from the groundskeeper. “We found your key fob.” I asked where I could come get it and he said “Where are you located?” I gave him grandma’s address and he said “We’re right by there I’ll come over and drop it off” and he did and I literally asked him if I could give him a hug because I was so happy that he had found my key fob. Which by the way after 2 weeks of being exposed to the elements including snow and rain and being somewhat scratched up still worked. Now how many things had to be in alignment for them to find my fob and for me to find a bracelet and a necklace that had been missing for 10 months? Not to mention that all of these items were returned to me within a 24-hour period. As Grandma's other caregiver noted, we think God only worries about the big stuff that he doesn't have time to take care of small stuff. The thing that we tend to forget is that with God there's no such thing as a small miracle there's no such thing as a big miracle it's just a miracle. “Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.”

How May I be of Service

 How can I be of service? Admittedly it sounds like something you hear when calling a customer service line or chatting with a Customer Service Representative online. It also sounds like something I ask my grandma on a daily basis “What do you need grandma?” In other words how may I be of service to you. It’s one of a series of questions posed in the book  “The Courage to Confront Evil” In it the author Caroline Myss has a series of questions to ask GOD every day:

• What should I do with this life you have given me today?

• What shall I do with the gifts you’ve given me?

• How can I be of service? 

• What NEEDS to be done?

I used to write a column for the church newsletter back when I attended an Episcopal church in San Francisco called Time and Talent where I interviewed a parishioner each month and wrote about the talents and gifts of time they provided for the church. It was a way of letting people know what opportunities to serve the church were available and the people involved. When I came to Oklahoma and attended the Newcomers classes at Saint John’s Episcopal church they had one class which specifically went over all the opportunities to serve the church that were available. After doing Cards for Others for a few years I had to give it up because I no longer had the time to do it because I was now called by GOD (and my aunt) to help care for my grandma more often. 

Another challenge Caroline Myss poses in her book is to ask what needs to be done. When I’m at my grandma’s working as her PCA what needs to be done is clearly laid out on her care plan. What needs to be done is also evident when the washer or dryer are going or when the sheets are stripped off the bed or the food container from the Senior Nutrition Center is on the kitchen counter unopened. Not so obvious is what grandma’s emotional needs are. Her needs for anything come out in the same question “When’s [her daughter/my aunt] coming home?” Then we ask her “What do you need?” Sometimes she can articulate it and sometimes the dementia has taken over along with the hearing loss and it becomes a guessing game. 

When it comes to GOD however, in prayer we often approach GOD with OUR needs rather than coming to GOD humbly and asking “What should I do with this life you have given me today? What shall I do with the gifts you’ve given me? How can I be of service? What NEEDS to be done?” We forget that as Dr. Wayne Dyer said, quoting the French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” We forget to humble ourselves before GOD. We forget to USE our life in service to GOD and to others. We focus more on the material than the spiritual.  

 So my challenge to you and to myself as we enter into the year 2024 is to humble yourself and ask GOD every day: “How can I be of service?” I leave you with this post I recently came across on social media:

Old Church Door

 

There's an old church door weathered and blown.

She's seen it alL our old church door.

She's welcome parishioners and priests.

And she's watched them leave.  

She's seen the changing of the seasons. 

She's watched these decades and centuries fly by.  

She's watched new babies being born and baptized.  

She's seen people confirmed and welcomed them into the community.  

When people pass on, well she's been there too. 

She's got battle scars from fights with mother nature. 

Maybe that's why she doesn't get used much anymore. 

People still come but they prefer those newer doors to her. 

But she's there just the same. 

Waving at passersby. 

Come Palm Sunday she'll have her moment to shine. 

The priests will stand in front of her and she'll stand a little straighter too. 

She'll be there with arms open wide to greet all who enter.  

She's seen so much and there's still so much more to see. 

Yes, our old church door, she'll be standing long after the rest of us have gone.